Very serious question

[apolyon]

Stolen blindly in a very unoriginal fashion from http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1556673&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=9&o=14&fpart=1&vc=1

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Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have no idea for myself :D

[Yoda]

one maybe

[Brabble]

Hmmm. The average 5-year-old weighes what, 40ish pounds?
If you can pick the first two up and DW 'em, that would make a difference. If your STR limits you to using just the first one as a 2-hander, the equation would change.
Hard to say, though, until you know what the damage bonus is on them and whether any of them proc. Maybe the ones who talk the most would have a yak proc & you'd get a bit of traction DW-ing from the extra offhand dd component (one assumes aggro would not be a problem, as you'd be soloing).
Then there's the whole question of whether they riposte & how much damage you'd take from that.

[Brutul]

Warriors can't solo :(

[Shikarii]

5 year old kids are like fire ants...no matter how many you can take on..sooner or later you will go down.

[naulab]

Hrmm depends if I can sneak in an earthshaker or not... how many HP does the normal 5 year old have?

[Yoda]

actually your best bet, if same rules is applied to all, is to push/throw them away to make them touch a wall and thus being "out". But still, as Kiadan said, there is nothing more zergling than a raid of five years old kids.

edit: naulab, rules say no foreign objets, fists only fight. Nevertheless, you aren't McGyver for building an earthshaker from random corpse's kids :D

[Detheb Ultimaweapon]

Heh, After Awhile, you would get tired of the merciless ass kicking you are handing to these 5 year olds(5 years old are not tall enough to really hit me anywhere above my waist line, so, my legs would take a beating). I think it would really come down to how much endurance you have vs a Raid of 5 year olds ^_^

[Yoda]

did you thought after your balls ? or have you already lost them ? well that's would be the raison for making so poor rape on sw.TSW :D

[Ooka]

I do like the <imaginary> mental pic of wielding a toddler. Hold em by the ankles and spin!!!

[Yoda]

why grabing the ankles when you can catch feet !!!! they should soon understand what cyclone attack means :D

[Detheb Ultimaweapon]

Yoda, look at the rules. You get a cup ^_^

[Fjalarr]

Punch me in the CUP, go ahead, ooo I like that , again.

You ever get shot in the chest while wearing a bullet proof vest?

Ok try watching Happy Gilmore and examine the hocky puck flying ballistic into his body. Sure he can take the hit, but man that's gonna leave a welt. Cup isn't gonna stop the blunt force trauma you getting on your weee little boys.

Ok, saying they are too stupid to realize that they the perfect height to knock down your gonads, since they aint got any really, then you might stand a chance until the first few launch in the air and start flingin each other like catapulted pigs. Oh you better believe they are crafty at 5.

Personally, I wouldn't last more than 1 second since I refuse to harm a hair of a 5 yr. old, even if I'm getting wailed.

[Frig Coldheart]

Well you could always furious then go defensive.

[Isk]

give me a pipe and it'll be burly brawl from matrix reloaded

[Eriatha Egan]

(This topic is awful, but I'll play along with it :D)

Depends totally on endurance. I might last a while since I'm a runner. Considering you're taking on an "army" much larger than yourself, you'll probably have to resort to using bait and run tactics much like the Mongolian armies used against the European armies back in, what was it, the 1400's? The kids won't have that much endurance period, and if you're an adult, you'll have a considerable speed advantage on them in terms of short and long distance. Eventually you'll be able to draw their best out since only the best will be able to remotely keep up with you, so slowly you can wear their little "army" away one by one, or one on five in small skirmishes. Despite the kids given training, they'll probably never all stick together in formations like a disciplined army would. They're five year olds, not Gudarians, so you should eventually be able to slowly tear their ranks to pieces in bait and run tactics. If your endurance holds, you could take on 100 or more maybe?

(Again, this thread is awful, rofl!)

[Apsu]

The number would be pretty big.

Just sit down, sing them songs until they fall asleep, then drag each one to the wall so they're out. I don't care how well trained a 5 yr old is -- sing them a goofy song and they're yours.

[Brutul]

Reminds me of the episode of the simpsons where Wiggum and his men are buried under a wave of babies and Wiggum says "we'll have to tummy-kiss our way out!"

[naulab]

I can't beleve I read that entire thread.....

no no, I really can't believe I got paid to read it!

[Zanador]

If only things like this actually exsisted. I wouldn't care about losing, just being able to go all out on an army of 5 year olds would be worth it :D

[Shikarii]

The number would be pretty big.

Just sit down, sing them songs until they fall asleep, then drag each one to the wall so they're out. I don't care how well trained a 5 yr old is -- sing them a goofy song and they're yours.
peh....you ever try singing a 5 year old songs..

Why? why did they do that? what's this song about? can we go outside? why can't we go outside? i'm thirsty. i'm hungry. can i have some potato chips? why can't i have potato chips? why is the dog chasing his tail? why is the sky blue? can i have a potato chip? where do babies come from? where does the sun go at night? where does the moon go in the morning? I still want a potato chip. can i have a cookie? my milkt astes funny. the water is warm. the water is cold. my tooth fell out. I WANT POTATO CHIPS. the cat is funny. the cat just threw up. mommy said so. daddy said so. the dog said so. the potato chip said so. where is mommy? mommy said i can have potato chips. the dog is eating the potato chips. why are you not lsitening to me? where is my blanket? where are my toys? why is your face turning red?

[Brabble]

Lol.
Don't forget the dinosaurs.

[Draxxalon]

The kids won't have that much endurance period,


Hmm, I must have babysat a different breed of kids... they were like energizer bunnies on speed. They'd go ape, and keep it at full throttle for 8 - 10 hours... You're right that they would have a lower top speed, but there'd be enough of them that there wouldn't be much running space.

Personally, I'd probably say "a lot" to answer the original question. I had a rough childhood :P

[Suzuka]

76 would do it.

[Rayde]

i'd be willing to wager i could take out 1000+

the thought of crunching a bunch of 5 year olds really grosses me out though.....

[newb101]

40+ easy

Grab a light one (prefferably a female as the scream proc would cast "fear" on all the ones without a high magic resist) by the legs (arms rip off to easy, and the head will do more damage than the feet). Just swing in circles as much as you can without getting dizzy. I'd say on average they are...

Weight: 40
AC: +10
Damage: 25
Delay: 35

spell effect: Fear - Makes Kindergarteners flee for as long as the weapon is concious.

Once unconcious, not only is your weapon "out", but the spell effect is useless, so rinse/repeat.

Yes, the dmg/delay ratio is teh sux, but it is still better than H2H, unless you're a monk, but this is a warrior forum...

[naulab]

you forgot. It's also a throwing weapons newb101

[Slavage909]

After reading 10 out of the 20+ pages on the 2+2 forums my number ranges between 15 and 100....give or take a few.

I linked this to monkly-business.....my alt is a monk. By the way Monks have no sense of humor. First reply was telling me how retareded I was.

[Frostpaw]

Anyway, as far as Endurance goes, if I watch my 3 and 5 year old all day im too tired for EQ :)

I think you could stalemate a good number of kids though. It would be difficult for em to actually knock you unconscious. I think id have to just turtle up in the middle of the gym, pull a chubby one on top for padding, and hope for the best...

[Dununder]

Id say around 300.

If I could get full buffs and a 4 cleric ch chain. Experience with my nephew has taught me 5 year olds are huge undercons.

Dununder Thunderchunder
Ogre Overlord

[Ayida]

I think this boils down to how many kids can you fit on that basketbal court to surround you.

That is clearly the upper limit of the number, and some folks can probably take that many.

I'll let one of the number crunchers do the math, look up the dimensions of the court, the area occupied by the shoulders of a 5-year old, etc. . . lol.

[Ariene]

I think most of the people who are saying high numbers have never babysat for a couple five year olds...

One of the scariest moments of my life (ok, slight exaggeration but still...) was when I was watching my friend's two boys. We were playing in the back yard and they are chasing each other in circles around me. Then, they suddenly back up and start whispering. This sets off alarm signals in my head but I didn't react in time. Suddenly, the older one yells "CHARGE!" and I have two little boys rocketing across the yard full speed ahead at me. I thought I was going down at that point but I managed to survive the impact. One more though and it would have been all over for the babysitter... ;)

[Torrinx]

http://lionvs40midgets.atspace.com/lionvsmidgets.htm

[cloudwalker21]

I would tag the wall just to avoid getting stomped flat by them. They're like army ants I swear...get in their way and you'll get plowed down. I'm with Ariene on this one, dealing with a couple of them is bad enough, any more than that and you'd better (in the words of chicken run) put your head between your knees and kiss your butt goodbye. They hatch the greatest plans on the spur of the moment, and will overwhelm you.

[Yoda]

for those with high scores (1000+) remember that they are asking you your "magic number" and that kids come in the field as twice as much... just thinking at 2000 5-years kids on an basket field, all hunting you, makes me shiver for real.

[newb101]

I linked this to monkly-business.....my alt is a monk. By the way Monks have no sense of humor. First reply was telling me how retareded I was.

I heard that monks explode when exposed to humor... (sorry I stole that)

[Yoda]

so let's sum up MB's issues:
* they explode when exposed to high DI mobs
* they explode when exposed to logic
* they explode when exposed to humor
* they explode when exposed to Frodlin
* they explode when exposed to TSW community
* ...
what did I missed ? please help me tailor them a suitable top 10 list :D

EDIT:
* they explode when exposed to MB's gestapo

[Draxxalon]

I'll add one, since I'm from MB...

-Explode when a monk says something against gestapo writ.

[Shikarii]

you feckers never stay on topic....

[scrab1]

If I was one of those kids I would set the strat to BITE! Targets are the achilles tendon, ligaments behind the knee, nose, ears, wrists, groin. Little kids can bite plenty hard enough to slice through flesh. You may be able to stomp / elbow 4 or 5 but if they make a focused charge you'll lose use of your legs and a lot of blood.

[Sorguran]

If I had a cup, there would be many unconcious little kids. I'm thinking... eh 100 just to b safe, but yeah, little kids are not good fighters.

With a cup on I wouldent even need a strat, I could just destroy. seriously, little kid punches are nothing.

[Celeritum]

Gestapo?

Just gimme my logic-bat. I AM the gestapo.

[Styal Fortis]

I would say about 100 as well. While they may have had training, small children still aren't very coordinated and not strong at all. I would probably spin in circles with my arms extended. Rampage.

[Raaj]

Not coordinated? So much kung fu on tv and movies...

[Brutul]

Not coordinated? So much kung fu on tv and movies...

Not to mention by age 5 most kids these days have spent over 1000 hours playing video games :).

[apolyon]

seriously, little kid punches are nothing.

When a 5 year old is really mad at you (or a friend who just stole his toy), do they punch? I'd watch out for the teeth if i were you. How many bites does it take to cause enough blood loss for you to pass out/die?

If these kids are getting trained to do this (kill you), i'm sure the instructor would take the time to point out the very very vulnerable spots.

Now, if you had, say, a half inch thick leather jumpsuit with padding on (think a motorcycle jumpsuit) it would be much easier. Shorts and a T-shirt though ... scary thought.

Advanced tactics (like kiting the adds and picking off the strong ones with high endurance first) is a great idea, assuming they havent been trained to avoid such attempts.

I think with planning and training I could take down a fair number of them. Really it's just a matter of endurance. No more than 5 or 6 kids can fit around you at the same time. I've recently been a counselor (within the last few years) at youth summer camps and had to wrestle kids age 7-14 at pool time for 30min-1 hour intervals during pool time. Now i know that kids wrestling you is very different from kids trying to kill you (mind you) but also keep in mind that it's much harder to gently dunk/take-down a child than to up and go ape-shit breaking necks. As long as you can keep your balance with little monkeys jumping on you tryin to 'bring you down', you can keep fighting till you run out of endurance.

The real question for most of us guys is how many lil critters can you kill in 5, 10, 20, 30, 60 minutes. I doubt many of us could fightly like that for more than an hour. Most here would probably exhaust after 15 or so ... it's rough business.

[Brabble]

When I was about 5 I was hanging out with my grandfather in his shop one day and suddenly he turned to me, held up a piece of thin rope and said, "Here. Cut this with your pocketknife."
I said, "I don't have a a pocketknife."
He said, "You don't have a pocketknife?"
I said, "No."
He openned a tool cabinet draw, took out an old pocketknife, and handed it to me, saying "Here. A boy without a pocketknife is like a man without a dick."

They'd better pretty carefully disarm those little kids if any of them are from the country.

[Brutul]

Hehe, I got a pocketknife for my 5th or 6th birthday. My Grandma had pocketknives that she used to let us play with when we came to visit too. They were in a drawer in the kitchen and she would get them out and give us a stick of firewood to "carve" on with them.

Yeah I am from the sticks hehe.

[Draxxalon]

Heh, I think I was about 4 when my grandfather gave me a pocket knife too.

Definately a good idea to pocket-check these kids before they come in :P

[kjelrod]

This reminds me a a dream i used to have like once a year or so....... I would be walking in the Mall and as i turned the corner around the Food Court i saw a Midget (or Dwarf whichever is nuetral), I didn't think much of it but you know you have to look. So i kept on walking and I saw a few more. Then they started coming out of the stores and before you knew it I was surrounded. They all started charging. To avoid conflict I out ran them fairly easy, but as in all cases I would come to a deadend. So with no other choice i would engage. I found the best method to handle these was to knock out the first one that gets to you and swing him around to repel the others as they charge in. This keeps keeps em off pretty well, but I would get dizzy and tired and then i was kinda in trouble. This same dream has hit me a few times tho and another time I used a broom and that worked out really well, I had them all piled up (maybe like 75 or so). In the end tho they did get me and i woke up sweety and breathing all heavy so I dunno its a good question. I think 5 year olds can run faster than Dwarfs tho, so sorry if this is irrelevant. Hope this helps

-Kjelrod

[Brabble]

I think 5 year olds can run faster than Dwarfs tho, so sorry if this is irrelevant.

We have a perfectly serious and highly technical thread going here and you introduce irrelevant midgets!

The hell.

[Shikarii]

Advanced tactics (like kiting the adds)
i can just see some guy running around with a handful of rock candy with a bunch of little kids chasing them like the Pied Piper of Hamlin.

The real question for most of us guys is how many lil critters can you kill in 5, 10, 20, 30, 60 minutes
no killing.......just tossing them against the wall so they are counted out :D they are kids y'know :D :D

[apolyon]

I think the "wall" rule only applies to the adult ... ya know ... so you can't just back yourself into a corner. They have to be incapacitated in some way or another ...

[cloudwalker21]

Bring a pinata, and toss them that to distract them. Then quietly sneak out before they realize you've beat a hasty retreat.

[Greyfin]

I thought this thread bore a striking resemblance to this story...

http://www.newturfers.com/mwf/attach/38/355838/BBCNEWSWorldLionMutilates42MidgetsinCambodianRing-Fight.htm

Well, maybe more kjelrod's dream I guess. Wonder a) if its true and b) how the Cambodian government will explain their %50 stake to the rest of the world.

[Yoda]

that's one of the most shocking news I ever read, if this is truely a news (hope it's fake).

[Greyfin]

http://lionvs40midgets.uk-directory.com/

[Shikarii]

hehe quite fake. kinda funny in a sick way, but funny nonetheless

[Yoda]

hahaha, you got me !

[Greyfin]

Funny I never noticed the domain wasn't really BBC... pretty obvious in retrospect... I think its related to this:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4658961

Basically, someone (not sure who yet) is running a contest to see who can develope the most "contagious" email... in other words, an email that people will pass on to others voluntarily. Reason I say that is the NPR program was on just last night (I listened to it and yet still didn't recognize the obvious hoax ahead of time). So expect more as the days weeks go on... probably not all will be hoaxes, I would hope most are simply interesting.

[Yoda]

hum, this can explain the really weird .pps I got yesterday...
it was really built around the idee of convincing you to send it to as many people as possible. It was so obvious that I throw it in the garbage :p

[Micker]

Honestly, I don't think any amount of them could knock me out. They just don't have the power to do it. I guess if there were enough piled on you so you couldn't breathe, then maybe. I would get tired after awhile of beating them off, but even just covering my head and lying on the ground, I don't see them doing more then some superfical damage. I guess when I finally fell asleep or something they could take turns kicking me in the head, that might do it.



BTW, I would order the pay per view of that midget/lion fight, screw the UFC!!

[rikam]

/bump because i couldnt find it and its worth a read.

[apolyon]

ah ... i had forgotten about this ... good food for thought :D

[Nord]

I dropped my wife off at work (she's a teacher) and stopped by the Kindergarden class. I hadn't had my morning cup of coffee, and it looked like snack time for the rugrats. Their little tanks were full of sugar, mine was caffeine deficient. It balanced things out, somewhat.

Guess my magic number is "at least 25" (+/- one horrified teacher).

:D

[Jet]

Stolen blindly in a very unoriginal fashion from http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1556673&page=0&view=collapsed&sb=9&o=14&fpart=1&vc=1

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good drunken debate from a few nights ago.

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

I set my magic number at 30, but upon reflection, I think I could take on a few more. How many could you take on?

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I have no idea for myself :D

That guy is nuts if he thinks he can take out 30 kids all at one time.

A 5 year old in hard shoes can kick you in the shin and and that hurts like hell when done right form a kid. Now imagine many kids with hard shoes kicking your front shins... u are done for dude. You can puck up 3 kids at once if u think ur macho enough to do that but once they get your shin bones you are down.

[Vikken]

Nice round 10 for me. I'm not macho, but I think I can smack enough of them around to keep them from pinning me.

Man, this is a really sick topic.

[Acturian]

This sounds horrible, but against overwhelming odds, all you need is fear.

If you totally mangled one of them with your bare hands (it's very easy to dislocate knees, shoulders and elbows) and threw their body at the ground... the rest would bail.

Additionally, if it was me, I'd cripple them with pressure points. I could take on hundreds alone just using pressure points and them as shields. How much endurance does it take to cripple a man with a single finger? almost none. ;)

I'd like to try this with nerf weapons though. They could kick and punch, just give me a nerf bat. :D man, that alone would be awesome, and no-one would get hurt.

[Swansong]

Lol, 10, if there was a way to mute the blood, and broken bones. Once I started bashing them against the ground, I might barf and screw myself over :/

[Yoda]

This sounds horrible, but against overwhelming odds, all you need is fear.give me a two handed axe and I swear you that they would all run away from me after one or two brains falling on the floor...

[apolyon]

* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down

You can't ignore teh rules!

[Binnamar]

What we need is a simulator. Take one average joe, pay him 1 grand to get the shit beat using sensors to see how much punishment he can take all over the body. Then take a 5 year old kid, give him some candy and let him beat the crap out of a punching bag with sensors on it, record data, multiply by amount of kids.

You'd also have to see how much punishment 1 kid would take (hi lawsuits), and how many blows it would take Joe Blow to cripple that kid.

Then using elite mathamatical equations you could figure out how many kids joe blow could take! Maybe. That would be so cool.

[Detheb Ultimaweapon]

Well, generally speaking.. a simulator wouldn't do shit. Adrenalline is pretty underrated it seems. I know, me personally, Once i get hit the first time, I get adrenalline rush and don't stop. If i had 100 kids coming at me, the first 5 hits i would be pissed enough and just rampage through them like Im the Hulk and they're innocent bystanders.

[Styal Fortis]

I'd go with a good 15-20, maybe more if they weren't going for the shins/junk. I could fend off most of them with... quickness and agility.